Hello. You have reached Jouby's Tools.
This computer holds the things Dawid Joubert builds when nobody is paying him to. Some of them are useful. Some of them exist because a problem was annoying enough to be worth a weekend. All of them are free, and none of them are for sale.
Double-click an icon to find out what it does. Some tools open in a new window of your actual browser. Others have no front door at all: they run in the background for a property business, and their window is simply an explanation.
Thirty-one years of programming, starting at age six on a machine considerably slower than this one. Rather more of it is documented at djoubert.co.uk.
Feed it a gas safety record, an EICR or an EPC and it works out what the document is, who issued it and the day it stops being worth the paper, then files it back into COHO. Every update is human-gated, so nothing changes without you saying so. Built for my own portfolio first, and free to anyone on COHO.
Requires a COHO account: you sign in with your COHO credentials.
Story-point estimation for software teams. Everyone picks a card, everyone turns over at once, and nobody anchors on whoever spoke first. That last part is the entire product.
From DOS-era hardware onwards: a cross-platform first-person shooter in the spirit of Quake, Unreal Tournament and Counter-Strike. Written in Turbo Pascal with an integer-maths 3D engine, because floating point was not on the menu in 1995 and it turns out it still is not needed.
Opens lepton.jouby.tools, where it runs in your browser on a WebAssembly build of DOSBox. Click the screen to capture the mouse. WASD moves, the mouse looks, left button fires, right button aims, Space jumps, 1/2/3 change weapon, Tab toggles the HUD. Esc quits.
Dawid's own corner of the web. Thirty-odd years of programming, written down in one place.
The site as it stood in 2005, preserved rather than tidied up. Every table layout is original. Nothing has been quietly modernised.
The 2007 rebuild. Rounder corners, more JavaScript, same person. Also preserved as found.
A 2020 proof of concept built with Blair, for anyone going on one too many Tinder dates. Pick an area of London and it proposes something to do and somewhere to eat nearby. Preserved as it was: the venues are frozen at December 2019, so some will have closed.
Dawid's property business: shared housing in London and Cheltenham, owned and managed. Most of the tools on this desktop exist because this company needed them first.
Watches the property CRM for messages staff send to residents, and delivers each one as a proper branded email from the company address. Residents get email; staff never leave the CRM; nobody is asked to check a second inbox.
Internal service. There is nothing to click: it has no interface, which is rather the point.
A Telegram assistant for property staff. Ask it which lockbox opens which door, what the WiFi password is, who supplies the gas, or what still needs doing on site, and it answers from the live CRM instead of from memory.
Internal service, staff only. No public login exists.
Room adverts sink down the listings the moment you stop touching them. This one renews them on a schedule, collects the replies, and nudges a human only when a real person has actually said something.
Internal service. No public interface.
C:\JOUBY>DIR
Volume in drive C is JOUBYS TOOLS
Directory of C:\JOUBY
CERTS.EXE READY Certificate Filing
POKER.EXE COMPILING Pointing Poker
LEPTON.EXE READY Lepton
DJOUBERT.HTM READY djoubert.co.uk
DJB2005.HTM READY djoubert.co.uk (2005)
DJB2007.HTM READY djoubert.co.uk (2007)
PLANMYDT.EXE READY Plan My Date (2020)
PSE.HTM READY Pine & Sotherby Estates
RELAY.SYS RESIDENT COHO Message Relay
PSBOT.COM RESIDENT Pine & Sotherby Bot
SRBOT.COM RESIDENT SpareRoom Bot
11 file(s)
7 ready to run
1 still compiling
3 resident in memory
C:\JOUBY>Silkscreen (© Jason Kottke) and VT323 (© Peter Hull) are used under the SIL Open Font License 1.1. They are self-hosted, so visiting this page tells no third party you were here.
That is the whole list. No framework, no CDN, no analytics, no cookies. The desktop, the window manager and the pixel icons are Dawid Joubert’s own work.
Lepton runs on lepton.jouby.tools, which serves a GPL-2.0 WebAssembly build of DOSBox and carries its own, longer notices. Serving that emulator is distribution under the GPL, so it lives on its own hostname where the obligations, and the weaker script policy it needs, stay contained.
Built by Dawid Joubert, on evenings, for the pleasure of it.
This product is not for sale and never has been. Any resemblance to a business is coincidental and mildly alarming.
This computer has no power switch. It is a web page. The button below does nothing, which is the most honest thing on this desktop.